just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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