nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
