he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
