this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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