mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
