A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
