weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
