ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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