Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
