Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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