I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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