1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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