fuck your aforementioned shoe
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
