I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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