yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
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A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.