dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.