My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across