Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?