i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for