dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole