GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.