M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
