Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
