i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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