I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
