Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
