I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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