Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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