I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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