the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
