I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
false alarm. still invincible.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
