"it" just moved
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
