I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
