You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
