**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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