I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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