if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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