capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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