I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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