well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
