My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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