sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
