I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
