Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
is that a dick in a sweater?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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