2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
