Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
