True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
