ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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