I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
