I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
