I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
