your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I love black thongs
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
