I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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