I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
