ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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