Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize