i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
