I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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