Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
