He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
