he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
