You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
