I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
