So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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