do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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