Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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