i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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