So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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