So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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