Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
