Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
